so, i woke up this morning with a bloated stomach and a depression hangover and i was cradling a bottle of diet coke as if it was my child and then i realized something:
and so i did. and here i am.
i don’t know why i decided TODAY was the perfect time for me to LOVE MYSELF FULLY AND WITHOUT RESERVE, but it is. i’ve tried to do it before: i’ve been in and out of eating disorder treatment for a year now, and have one foot firmly placed across the recovery line. but that’s not enough. even though i’ve really wanted to get better & have made a lot of improvements, i feel like i didn’t put my whole body mind heart soul butt into it. and now i’m going to! because i am sick of being sick. i am sick of starving and binging and purging and punishing myself for taking up space. i want to feel healthy and alive and real at least five days out of the week. i want to eat mindfully & with intent. i want to exercise. i want to stop associating my weight with my self worth. i want to free myself from my eating disorder and take back everything it stole from me. i know i sound corny and a little off my rocker but for real y’all i need to do this. though i am appreciative and thankful for the things i have gone through and wouldn’t take any of it back, i know i am strong enough to have the life i want. let me make this real clear, though: THIS IS NOT A WEIGHT LOSS BLOG. LET ME REPEAT THAT. THIS IS NOT A WEIGHT LOSS BLOG. i don’t care if i lose or gain weight as long as i feel like i am fighting my eating disorder and doin’ my best to love myself slash staying healthy slash bein’ badass.